Such is Life
by M.Kasshoku
Summary: It's hard to face up to the mistakes that we blindly make. Ceres Victoria learns this the hard way.


Such is Life

**Disclaimer:** All standard disclaimers apply.

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Her heart beat rampantly against her chest, or at least that's what her excitement led her to feel. He wasn't done kissing her and he wouldn't let her go until she was begging to take a breath. Not that she minded. She enjoyed being in his arms and feeling the essence of his new life flowing through him. She didn't know what had made her act so spontaneously but she didn't regret it at all. The call of duty wouldn't keep her away from him, but she did have work to do and if certain individuals saw the huge grin on her face, then she would have quite a bit of explaining to do. She wrenched her mouth from his and pushed his shoulders back.

"I have to go. I've been summoned by Sir Integra." The tone of her hushed voice revealed that she wanted to do the exact opposite of her duties.

"Let her wait. She's been your boss for ten years. I've only just gotten to know you." He went to kiss her again but she covered his mouth with her open palm.

"I can't. Not now. I will see you again later. You know where my room is, don't you? I won't be long. Wait for me there, alright?" She removed her hand and tapped his lips gently with her own. He melted.

"It's hard to say no to you, Ceres Victoria. Don't be too long, love," he said and dashed away quickly before he could be noticed by the familiar figure that came around the corner. She looked way too suspicious to Walter, who was surprised to see her wedged inside the doorway of a maintenance closet. He had arrived in time to see her fix the top button of her shirt; at the sight of him she placed her hands instantly at her sides. Walter raised an eyebrow.

"Miss Victoria, please excuse me for disturbing you but Sir Integra has been asking to see you. I trust that you are on your way to her chambers?" he asked taking note of the flush on her cheeks, which he thought was physically impossible for a vampire to achieve.

Victoria nodded to Walter and gazed briefly into his eyes. He knew something was up. "Yes, I'm sorry. I was caught up in some business. Is anything wrong?"

Walter's face held no expression. He merely bowed to her and said, "I will let Sir Integra explain it to you," before he quietly dismissed himself.

Victoria watched as the steward strode down the hallway, and wondered what it was that the master wanted to discuss so urgently with her. In her ten years as part of the Hellsing Organization she had helped to finally extinguish the rise of FREAK vampires, along with a number of other non-human encounters she and her former master had gone after. The only thing she could think of was that a new non-human threat had arrived and it was time for her to get back to work. She had had too much time off as of late, and so much time to herself led her to think about her life. More importantly it made her think about what her purpose would be.

She had become a true vampire a short time ago. She never felt ready for it until one day after an especially bloody battle with the Iscariot's top soldier, Alexander Andersen when her master Alucard approached her once again. He was in the process of regenerating and he was almost complete except for one bloody gash near his shoulder, which looked as if it refused to heal. It bled profusely the pungent scent of blood traveling through the air and assaulting her hungry senses. She had lost a good amount of her own blood but she was not as gifted as her master in closing up her wounds. He stood over her kneeling form and held his hand out to her.

"Are you all right, Police girl?" he had asked, concerned with the wound in her throat, which had been reopened. A real vampire wouldn't even have a scar, but hers was an obvious invitation for Andersen and he had thoroughly enjoyed cutting her open with his blades.

She looked to her master and noticed his fresh, broken skin. The blood poured down his arm, and her gaze followed it as it trailed down to stain the gloved hand he held out to her. She wondered why the wound hadn't healed. The blood dripped from his fingertips onto her skirt and she unconsciously licked her lips.

"Police girl, you look like a mess. I do have something that can help you heal, if you want it." Victoria looked up at the wound again, and saw that it had stopped bleeding. Her mouth went dry, and her shoulders sank at the missed opportunity once again. But the smell surrounded her. Her mind reeled, and she felt herself grow lightheaded as she saw the flesh on his shoulder slowly begin to connect. She fell forward and held her hands out to keep herself steady. Why was this happening? She felt as if she were about to die, and what she needed to survive was what her master offered.

He kneeled before her. Her arms had grown weak and had buckled beneath her weight, but he had grabbed her shoulders to prevent her from falling to the ground. She hung limply in his grip, the scent much more intoxicating now that he was so close to her. She forced her head up and saw that the wound was almost closed. A tiny puncture remained, and a drop of blood formed around it, growing until it poured over the surface to stain his shirt.

She could make more of it come out. She used much of her strength to pull herself up and lean into her master. Her head fell heavily onto his shoulder, and her mouth pressed against his broken skin. The tiny drop of blood smeared her lower lip as she felt herself slide down against him. She caught herself by curling her arms around his shoulders, and using her last wave of energy she pulled herself up again. Her mouth was pressed against the cut, and she stayed that way content with the feel of it against her lips. She knew that it wasn't big enough for her to do what he had offered. She had to make it bigger so she pulled back her lips and let the sharp tips of her teeth touch it. She felt his body shake, and realized that he was laughing.

"It took you long enough, Police girl. Are you ready for this?"

She couldn't talk anymore. Her fangs pierced him, and she finally drank.

It wasn't that long ago at all, but after it happened she felt she had to go out and find her purpose. She was honored to be a member of the Hellsing Organization, but after getting rid of all the FREAKS and other non-humans, what else was there? She had no links to her human life, and even if she did she would have had to sever them on the spot. Life in the Hellsing Organization got to be very lonely after a while; life as a No-Life-King made her feel even more isolated. She had no master anymore. She was free to go off and choose who and what she wanted to serve, for Sir Integra had informed her that she wasn't obligated to remain with Hellsing. So if that was the case then what was there for her?

_Why did Master think that becoming a No-Life-King would be so great for me? Is he so happy? _

She made her way down the hallway and headed in the direction of Sir Integra's office. If there were trouble brewing then she would throw herself into it completely. She even would bring her beloved along and show him all there was to know about being a member of the Hellsing Organization. She hoped that the master would understand what she had done. She hoped that _he_ would understand as well. She hated to keep secrets from everyone but she figured that this would be hard for them to accept. Bringing a new vampire into an organization that was devoted to destroying them was a step that she knew would have some consequences. Her beloved understood this as well, but he chose to risk it anyway. The thought made Victoria stop and sigh dreamily.

_Goodness, the things he'll do for me. He's so wonderful._

She suddenly felt a presence behind her, one that contained a sneaky vibe and she turned to look over her shoulder. She knew it. She turned around to face the one who used to be her master and gave him a wry smile. Since she had taken his blood he was no longer able to play his favorite game, which was to approach her from out of nowhere and startle the non-living hell out of her. The look of disappointment on his face was priceless.

"You should give it up, Master. I can sense your presence from anywhere in this house." Calling him Master was a hard habit to break, but with their history together she didn't feel right addressing him by his name. She offered him a much warmer smile but he didn't return it. His glasses were off, and his eyes bore into hers feeding her his feelings of disapproval. This made her uneasy. Did he already know?

He gave her a slight nod and confessed, "I know."

Victoria's eyes went wide and she wanted to kick herself for being so careless. Her preoccupation with her lover made her forget how intuitive this vampire could be. She couldn't hide anything from him. His cold gaze softened and he regarded her more openly. Victoria relaxed.

"You've done something. Yes indeed, you've done a foolish thing."

Hearing that from Alucard made Victoria's heart sink and she turned away from him not wanting to meet his gaze. "You wouldn't understand." She heard him chuckle softly.

"I wouldn't?"

Victoria glanced at him from the corner of her eye and thought about that for a moment. He was more than five hundred years old- and he was human at one time.

"Yes, I was once human so those kinds of feelings were acceptable then. However, _you_ are no longer a human, Police girl."

She turned and glared dangerously at him. That dreaded reminder paired with that dreaded nickname pissed her off. She rested her hand on the pistol, which was holstered at her side and blocked him out of her mind. He raised his eyebrows obviously impressed with this mental skill, which she mastered in a relatively short time. He granted her a wide smile.

"Am I no longer allowed to address you by my favorite pet name? I see. That privilege has now been bestowed upon your beloved fledgling. That's quite all right. I am willing to relinquish that name to him and give you a brand new one- Kitten."

She shot him.

Luckily it was with an ordinary pistol so the shot to the chest merely tickled the mischievous vampire. He laughed out loud the maniacal wave in his voice working unmercifully into her nerves and making her shoot him again and again until she was out of rounds. She threw the empty gun at him.

"Shut the hell up! I don't answer to you anymore remember? I'm a true vampire with a purpose and I've made a choice!"

Alucard tipped his head slightly to avoid making contact with the flying weapon. The bullet wounds were healed before she had finished her declaration. "You've made a bad choice, Police girl and I fear that I may be called upon to undo what your dead heart feels was the right thing."

The anger completely drained from her system when she realized what her former master alluded to. She didn't want to believe it was true. "What did you say?"

Alucard hated to be the one to break the bad news to her. Things always seemed to work that way between them. "It seems your human feelings have not completely left you. They have consumed you and therefore have caused you to commit acts that defy the Hellsing Organization."

Victoria was stunned. "Defy the Hellsing Organization?"

"The creation of a third vampire in Hellsing has not been authorized by Integra. When you reach her office she will tell you exactly that, and then she will give you one simple non-negotiable order- Search and Destroy."

Victoria never thought she would feel her eyes fill with tears again. She blinked them back and gritted her teeth refusing to show this weakness to him. She knew this was no way for a No-Life-King to behave. Alucard scowled at her.

"Neither is sneaking around with a fledgling that has no potential to be a real nosferatu. Your new powers are not developed enough for you to bring anyone into our realm. I'm disappointed in you, Police girl. You've created a useless being."

Victoria clenched her fists and wished she had another gun. She hated when he invaded her thoughts. She shut her mind again and Alucard pulled back as if he had been slapped. "He's a real vampire," she insisted, "He's not one of those junk vampires we used to deal with. He's real, he's sweet, and he's just wonderful. If you would only get to know him you would see that."

A look of distaste formed on Alucard's face. "I would prefer not to."

"I see. Is my former master jealous?"

Alucard narrowed his gaze. He wasn't used to receiving a statement from her with that tone of voice. His former fledgling was being quite sassy with him. "Don't flatter yourself, Police girl. Besides, he'll be dead soon so why should I bother?"

Victoria took a determined step forward and looked him square in the eye. "You're not going to kill him."

If his heart were alive it would have gone out to her at that moment. He couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She was so misguided in her belief that she could actually fall in love. He softened his gaze again and solemnly responded, "You're right. I'm not."

Victoria didn't like where this was going. If she heard right, it would seem that there was a plan to exterminate the one she loved, and the one to carry out the order would be…

Alucard watched closely as the reality of her predicament slowly settled in. If she were an ordinary human he would have found her emotional state amusing. But she still fought with herself to be an ordinary human, and the look of absolute devastation in her eyes actually made him regret being so hard on her. Her gaze slowly descended until she stared at the cold concrete floor. She had lost her final battle.

He could feel the turmoil inside of her and before he realized what he was doing he allowed himself to be absorbed by it. The look on her face triggered something in his mind. He saw the face of someone he had once known when he was alive. It was the face of someone he had cared for deeply- and it mirrored the expression on Victoria's face. It was the look of one who had lost faith in all that mattered. It was ironic how he connected the two. He received the look now from his former subordinate and he had received it then from his former…

"Master."

The quiet voice crept into his head and echoed within the image that filled his mind. He heard his name being called but it was from a distant era, one that existed long into a future he had momentarily left to revisit an episode of his past. He saw it all clearly, and so did Victoria. She turned to look cautiously at him, noting the fading color in his eyes as the memory fogged over everything that was in the present. She probed his mind.

"Master, you're thinking of a woman."

She was dressed in black and boarding a cart, which was to take her to a sanctuary, one that existed far away from him. She had turned to him then to regard him one last time before she left and her gaze was cold, empty of all that she had once felt for him. She was merely a shell of the one who had meant the world to him. Through Alucard's point of view Victoria felt the sorrow surrounding the woman and she instantly pulled out of his thoughts. Her hands went to her head and she pressed her fingertips to her temples to soothe the ache that had emerged. The memory was a painful one. She winced and soon felt the ache subside. She looked up at Alucard still lost in his memory.

"Master Alucard. That woman, what happened to her?"

He blinked and the image disappeared. His gaze was sharp once again and he regarded his former fledgling indifferently. "Police girl, sometimes we're forced to do things we don't want to do to the ones we care about. But when it's for their own good, we put our feelings aside and commit to what we have to do,"

He glared at her then, the lethal gleam in his eye making her already cold blood freeze, "-or what we are ordered to do."

Victoria understood it completely now. So, Sir Integra did have an assignment in mind for her. She thought about her beloved then, waiting for her in her room.

_Sometimes we're forced to do things we don't want to do to the ones we care about._ So, that was all there was to it?

Alucard snorted, turned away and started down the hallway. She looked at him walk away, his figure slowly becoming transparent. "That's all there is to it, Police girl. Don't disappoint me any further. This isn't my mistake to fix."

His voice echoed his parting words as he faded into the shadows. She was left with a deep hole within but she knew that he was right. She didn't bother reporting to Sir Integra. Instead she turned around and headed straight for her room. She kept a handgun filled with quicksilver bullets in the dresser. It was the perfect thing to make this as quick and painless as possible for her beloved. Her own pain would be pushed to the back of her mind, forgotten until she encountered something that rekindled the memory. It didn't seem fair, but such is the life of the No-Life-King.

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**Author's notes**: The memory that Alucard experiences comes from a movie I saw called, Dracula: The Dark Prince. It's a fair account of the life of Vlad Tepes, and the scene shows Vlad sending his wife away after her mental breakdown when she learns about his methods of ruling (i.e: the impaling). 


End file.
